Love Life - Mine and Yours

So recent events in my life have got me thinking about this topic in depth...

In these last 20 years,my idea of a love life has tremendously evolved. Starting out from my first crush on that guy in the "Wonder Years" and his neighbourhood crush, to the evolving relationship of Anne of Green Gables and her Gilbert Blythe and on to my massive crush on Ajith Kumar and every single movie he had acted in at that time. My idea of love kept on changing,but one thing was certain. You would one day meet the guy you would fall madly in love with and you would then find your happily ever after ( Of course living in my environment happily ever after was translated into marriage)

Fred Savage from the Wonder Years - I Heart u ! 

This belief was something I continued to have strong faith in for a very long time. So the years passed, many of my peers started getting married or started getting into serious relationships. It was beautiful to see everyone riding off into their own happily ever afters.

A couple of months after this got to witness the other side of happily ever after. It was called Life. "Life" got on after this honeymoon period.. my girlfriends and boyfriends both started revealing what life's like after the lovey dovey period was over.

 Apparently , much to my romantic hearts surprise, it still went on and it was not much different from the life you led when you were single, only this time, there was this other person you had to constantly think about. Suddenly you find that this person has the power to make you happy or annoy the living day lights out of you. I find this true not only in marriage of course but in any relationship we become heavily invested in. We take our lives, put it on a platter and offer it to the other person, strings and all... giving them full power and authority to do as they will with our hearts and our minds.

What we do not realise though, and what is more dangerous is that while we play the victim in this situation, we also are the perpetrator. Suddenly our expectations of this person rises to the ceiling. Suddenly we become petty, suddenly from nowhere we have terrible insecurities of lost and lack of confidence in our beloved (partner/friend/dog). I have watched my friends who are brilliant women and men act this way and from the outside it looked so silly to me and yet I looked back myself and see myself do the exact same thing. A person not reacting the way I want them to to effort that I have put into doing something has often pissed me off or disappointed me so much. Taking an observer's point of view, makes me want to slap myself and say, "Öi Wake up la.. why so stupid?" But somehow when you are in the situation you become blur like sotong.

So what is it about love that makes us all so cray cray and GILA? And why is it apparently compulsory that its evil twin - Pain keeps following Love in intervals. How can someone you love so much bring you so much pain and suffering? There is a reason we want to be with these people right? We don't purposely go out looking for monsters. What makes them change after this given period of time.. Why do we look to be free from the people we once spent every waking moment thinking about.

I don't know the answer to this, but perhaps with a little clarity in our mind we would be able to see that the enemy might not be on the outside, It is us that have traded our freedom of being happy and tie them to the object/person that we desire. We come up with scenarios on how things should be and investing thoughts and dreams into perfect situations and how the other person would react (please tell me this is true and it is not only me who does this).

Of course all this time the other party is completely in the dark of all our expectations and when they do not act in this perfect drama according to the script that we have conjured up in our head then we feel this pain.

We seem to think that if a person loves me enough and is the right one for me then he or she should know what to say, what to do and how to act all the time. If I with this crazy busy schedule that i juggle have so much time to think about him then why can't he think about me?not only think about me but show me that he thinks about me :)  God as I type this it seems so bloody ridiculous even to me.

I hear you ..
U are saying " So Roshini.. u are saying we should have no expectations? That just won't happen, We are all not Saints la.."

True my child...true that.. I agree, like it or not it isn't easy for us to not have expectation, I experience this every day myself even with no significant other. But here's the thing that struck me, What if we have the ability to kind of Untag our self from our expectations we have.. meaning, have those expectations.. that is ok, communicate them to the people you love, tell them how you feel,don't just be "Syok Sendiri" in your own world thinking everyone is a mind reader.

When you have done this, untag yourself from the outcome of that expectation. Because as long as you allow someone else to determine when you will be happy, you will never truly be happy. The picture of a rag doll tossed in the ocean being thrown around by the waves comes to my mind.

Understand that someone else cannot choose how you feel, Their actions and your emotions actually have nothing to do with each other. A boyfriend who forgets your birthday should be told that this was not acceptable behaviour but how you feel throughout your birthday is actually your choice. To feel pain or not to feel pain is actually a choice. We unfortunately have been hypnotised to believe that we are not in control of how we feel.

I have met so many people lately that keep telling me they do not believe in love/long term relationships anymore.That the investment of my freedom is too high to be tied down in a relationship with someone who will keep expecting something from me. Trust me I see what you mean. I have the same fear as well that I am trying to get over. But perhaps if we realise our freedom is not something someone else can take away, that we are already free at this point and all we have to do is remember....

You can live your life alone and you are completely capable of being happy but somehow I feel the journey will be allot more fun If I had someone with me that will laugh at my stupid jokes, seek adventures together, think about how we have grown.. I guess it would just be allot more interesting. But .. that's just me.

But hey.. this is all ramblings of my obviously too free mind... but i am extremely excited about testing out the theory. It has been a challenge so far as my mind keeps reverting to past behaviour and thinking patterns but I'm not going to give up so soon. So wish me luck in this yet another interesting experiment. :)

Loads and loads of LOVE to you.. yes you the on reading this and remember at the end of the day ... LOVE LIFE - all of it , yours mine and ours.

I love u !