Chidhambara Rahasiyam
It was my very first trip to India alone, I was turning 30 and I wanted to do something i had not done before. I wanted to be with my Swami alone with people I did not know as well, to push the limits of my comfort zone a little. Little did I know pushing the limits of my comfort zone would push me into the greatest comfort of all. A place i go back to again and again. That trip made me stumble on the love of my life, something that I knew but did not know. It was the start of a beautiful relationship, one that no one else understood. My relationship with the beautiful land of India.
It was on this first trip that Sathya and I planned our day trip to Chidhambaram and Pondicherry.
It was the very first temple that we had visited together and of course if you had been reading this blog, you would know that there are rules... that I was utterly unaware off. Chidhambaram is the temple of Shiva that represents Space, and the temple has a special secret. I've heard people using the word chidhambara rahasiyam in passing to describe a great secret, mostly it is said in cynicism.
I was not expecting much after we had the wonderful opportunity of watching the abhishegam dene for the spatika lingam. IN the sanctum you will find nataraja and not a lingam and like all other indian temples people will flock, push stampede you just to see the deity. Very uncivilized right, but i become one of them too ;) I initially hated it then started to just give up and give in and kinda let the crowd carry you.
So anyway coming back to the deity in the sanctum, after they show arathi to nataraja, they will show you the chidhambara rahasiyam which you need to see thru tiny holes in the wall and its open for a couple of minutes only to show arathi. Sathya kept pushing me to the front and asking "can you see? Can you see?? I saw Nothing!!! Then i asked him what exactly are we looking at ? and he said there is golden leaves... Can u see the golden leaves. I looked again intensely ... Again I did not see anything. HAhahaha . He does not know this, but i lied to him and said yes yes I saw.. Its beautiful. But honestly I saw nothing.
Now this really did not cross my mind at all. It has been 4 years now and just the other day in Thailand while dozing off in a cab after completely exhausting myself from Shopping the thought randomly crossed my mind .
The Chidambhara Rahasiyam is NOTHING! It really is nothing that is worshiped. Nothing at ALL. Is it not amazing that all the tapas and prayers and visiting of temples and reading and understanding and questioning all leads to NOTHING.I was extremely excited. I googled chidhambara rahasiyam and saw that there are indeed leaves , golden ones hung around a lingam that is not there because he is space. But how we focus on seeing the leaves but missing the actual point of what the leaves garland which is indeed a Rahasiyam because it is the BEST kept secret of all. even if the secret is shown to you ... it is still a secret .
The point of EVERYTHING at the end of the day is NOTHING !
But how do we move to this nothingness:
I have started experimenting by pushing my borders. I have started to do things that i thought i would never do but being very aware of my mind as I do it, and It is not easy. More often than not i find the mind so easily taking you for a ride. Emotions moving you like a boat that is being rocked on the sea. The nothingness is lost when you identify yourself with the mind. When you do not see yourself as separate. You see the pattern reoccurring and yet you cant stop yourself. Its a game. A game that you try to play again and again and finally arrive at that nothingness.
So many things make more sense now. Its like the limited world just opened up so much for me. Nothing seems to stand in your way. Nothing is right nothing is wrong. because there is nothing.
It was on this first trip that Sathya and I planned our day trip to Chidhambaram and Pondicherry.
It was the very first temple that we had visited together and of course if you had been reading this blog, you would know that there are rules... that I was utterly unaware off. Chidhambaram is the temple of Shiva that represents Space, and the temple has a special secret. I've heard people using the word chidhambara rahasiyam in passing to describe a great secret, mostly it is said in cynicism.
I was not expecting much after we had the wonderful opportunity of watching the abhishegam dene for the spatika lingam. IN the sanctum you will find nataraja and not a lingam and like all other indian temples people will flock, push stampede you just to see the deity. Very uncivilized right, but i become one of them too ;) I initially hated it then started to just give up and give in and kinda let the crowd carry you.
So anyway coming back to the deity in the sanctum, after they show arathi to nataraja, they will show you the chidhambara rahasiyam which you need to see thru tiny holes in the wall and its open for a couple of minutes only to show arathi. Sathya kept pushing me to the front and asking "can you see? Can you see?? I saw Nothing!!! Then i asked him what exactly are we looking at ? and he said there is golden leaves... Can u see the golden leaves. I looked again intensely ... Again I did not see anything. HAhahaha . He does not know this, but i lied to him and said yes yes I saw.. Its beautiful. But honestly I saw nothing.
Now this really did not cross my mind at all. It has been 4 years now and just the other day in Thailand while dozing off in a cab after completely exhausting myself from Shopping the thought randomly crossed my mind .
The Chidambhara Rahasiyam is NOTHING! It really is nothing that is worshiped. Nothing at ALL. Is it not amazing that all the tapas and prayers and visiting of temples and reading and understanding and questioning all leads to NOTHING.I was extremely excited. I googled chidhambara rahasiyam and saw that there are indeed leaves , golden ones hung around a lingam that is not there because he is space. But how we focus on seeing the leaves but missing the actual point of what the leaves garland which is indeed a Rahasiyam because it is the BEST kept secret of all. even if the secret is shown to you ... it is still a secret .
The point of EVERYTHING at the end of the day is NOTHING !
But how do we move to this nothingness:
I have started experimenting by pushing my borders. I have started to do things that i thought i would never do but being very aware of my mind as I do it, and It is not easy. More often than not i find the mind so easily taking you for a ride. Emotions moving you like a boat that is being rocked on the sea. The nothingness is lost when you identify yourself with the mind. When you do not see yourself as separate. You see the pattern reoccurring and yet you cant stop yourself. Its a game. A game that you try to play again and again and finally arrive at that nothingness.
So many things make more sense now. Its like the limited world just opened up so much for me. Nothing seems to stand in your way. Nothing is right nothing is wrong. because there is nothing.
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