Curiosity it turns out has Had a very good Track Record of Killing The Cat !

So ive been having this sudden craving for Pongal that had lasted since my last trip to india this time. Ever since i got back there has been this amazing craving for that specific venn ponggal that we had one day last year at home in Chennai from the restaurant down the street called Vasantham i think.. So ever since i got back home to Malaysia I've been looking out for it in all the Indian restaurants we go to. Quite unsuccessfully i must add for 2 reasons. 

1. They don't have it on the menu... very few places here do 

2. I am never out early enough to have breakfast anywhere anyway. 

So after several failed attempts to find them outside, I decided screw it i'm gonna make it myself. As usual i was sooo very very very excited. I got a friend to come over for breakfast to create a little bit more of an occasion and got up early to get started on my project. Armed with my phone and a couple of you tube videos i started. It was easy enough actually. I modified here and there but basically followed the steps. But the process was so exciting. Since it is something ive wanted for so long i was so excited to keep checking on the rice if its being cooked in the cooker.I wanted to make sure that nothing would go wrong.. Wanted to enjoy every moment of the rice cooking without realizing the more i open the pot i'm only slowing down the simmering process. As i opened the pot the second time i realized this. I saw very clearly that this is something i do in almost all areas of my life. I cant wait to get there. I cant wait to enjoy the process too. Everytime something new happens i want to experience it so fast that every single gap of time seems so so long. Every silence seemed to take forever. 

It even happens when I do circuit training. I keep wanting to do it fast not understanding that its more important to do it right. 

As i discussed this situation last night with my kindred spirit He told me another wonderful story that made a world of sense to me. His previous company once had a potential client who had asked for a quote. Now being an organization that is known to pay well, it was a deal that no one wanted to miss. So a quote of RM15K was sent out to the client. Now 3 days had passed, there was no news from the client, They decided, fine lets up the ante and give this guy a 10% discount. Yet there was no response from the client. Now upon thinking long term and the fact that this client is potentially a keeper, they decided fine lets go ahead and offer another 20% discount since they are playing hardball. Still there was no reply. After 8 days of so the client sent an email stating:

Dear sir, 

Thank you for your email. Initially i thought that you had quoted us USD 15 K but im happy to see now that its only RM15k . On top of that you have given us 30% discount which is amazing. We will definitely sign. 

I apologize for the delay in responding to your email, I was away and had not access to the internet. 

In over thinking and zeal to get the business these guys had very apparently sold themselves short. Now this is one important thing that i had learnt from ATCEN as well. We are so good we never lower our prices there are enough cheap trainers to do cheap training and therefore that's a market we will not play in. So while at work i have a great amount of patience to wait. 

However, In life i don't see that happening. Especially when it comes to relationships any sort of close relationship. I'm always too eager. Always needing reassurance and always wanting the attention and when it does not happen as fast as i want it to i start over analyzing. Now i know this is common for most girls and that I am not a freak but its also triggered me to start questioning where this sense of great insecurity is coming from. Perhaps I have finally found the missing link to the issue and the area i need to work on. 

I feel that it stems from the period of great loss i experienced in University. Sumi and Julie again i thank you for seeing me thru that phase. Seeing a person so close disappear in thin air is the most painful experience and im thinking perhaps that is the reason i became so ...whats the word?... paranoid. Being left without an explanation or an indication must have totally shocked my system and denial of the pain must have just pushed the scar so deep that it was not even noticeable.But as HE is so kind he allows us to repeat the same lesson again and again and thru maybe 10 other experiences i went through the exact same thing still confused as hell as to why the pattern is still the same. I believe Sumi you were once also so frustrated that the same thing kept on happening to me and we could not figure out why? I think u were right it must be baikhati.

So thank you Swami in the form of Sathya Narayan n Srirama for bringing this and laying it out on my face. I will always be grateful to you for being so blunt and real with me. Thank you for the Healing. Now its my turn to start the medication on this wound and be rid of it forever :)

SO HO'Opono Pono sessions are going to definitely increase :) and watch out for allot of love coming your way all those of you who I've been knowingly or unknowingly been hurt by before.