The Dream that you Wish will come true!

A dream is a wish your heart makes
When you're fast asleep
In dreams you lose your heartaches
Whatever you wish for, you keep
Have faith in your dreams and someday
Your rainbow will come smiling thru
No matter how your heart is grieving
If you keep on believing
the dream that you wish will come true

I bet if you are following my blog you would by now know that i am badly influenced by Walt Disney. This song starts the scene to the classic Walt Disney Movie - Cinderella. One of my personal favorites. I remember watching it on the VCR in my cousins house every single day of the school holidays. Every single morning as soon as i woke up. It was like suprabatham, Hence it is not surprising that it has been firmly etched into my subconscious mind that dreams do come true. 

I am just back from my trip to my land of dreams that I visit every once in a while to rejuvenate myself and just be. Yeap... this is an experience from another trip to India. Swami was full on this trip. And the most memorable experience is the identification of what happens at the samadhi during samadhi dharshan. Many people have claimed that they feel a very strong energy when they do namaskaram at the samadhi. Honestly i had never felt that. I used to think that it was just me.. I must be so dense to not have felt my lord who was ever present there. This time as i sat there with Letchumi my new found travel junkie... She said ... Swami is just sleeping there... and it struck me ... that OMG that actual samadhi held the one thing i wanted most in this world. My Swami. I wonder why this had never occurred to me. I suppose it was because of that i had never felt the power of the samadhi. I refused even to acknowledge it because to me it was a structured that showed my Lord was not a living God anymore. I hated that and I just refused to accept it. When she just mentioned those words.. i felt a complete paradigm shift. I knew that there was a reason i kept coming back to parthi again and again and again. He was still here . Yes He pervades the universe but Parthi was still Parthi. Every grain of sand was blessed in parthi. in fact this time when i walked barefoot in Parthi i constantly made sure my feet was getting maximum coverage. I felt the earth under my feet with full consciousness. I knew that My Lord.. my only Best friend was there and that He Loved me despite everything. 

As i went to the samadhi during morning dharshan on the second day and rested my head on the cool fragrant marble ... i felt a strong suction from the middle of my forehead between my eyes. I felt all my thoughts just drain out like there was a pipe that was just draining them away. and then... there was silence and peace.... and today exactly one week from that experience as i sat at my alter... and saw his face it happened again. ... Thank you Swami ... I love you ... 

I also know you love me because you are so clear about it. As we proceeded with our trip to Trivendrum to see my Pathmanabha Swami I was reminded of a reoccurring dream that I had been having. Its been 2 times that i have had the similar dream of visiting a vishnu temple where he was in the form of Renganatha, and as i come he turns his head and welcomes me. I vividly remember this dream because it happened twice .. and in the same temple. As we reached Pathmanaba Swami temple in Trivendrum i knew for a fact that this was the temple. All i needed was confirmation. A weird sense of familiarity just swept over me... like I have walked those corridors before. The different structure of the temple not similar to the normal south indian tamil style did not surprise me at all. And when I saw him I was not in awe. It was more like seeing a friend. Nothing was different. I was not even shocked that he was the same ... . It was the same temple as my dream but what was more surprising was my lack of emotion. I felt like I've seen him so much already what else is there to see. I felt like we spoke everyday ... where was the awe?.... Did we actually get bored of each other. THAT SCARED ME! 

I realized then that we were moving. Our relationship had moved to another level. We had passed the honeymoon period. So this is what people mean when they say this... :) 

I felt Him that's for sure... when i closed my eyes and sat by the corridor I really did. The same overwhelming love. But that attachment to his form was not as overwhelming as before. I was scared.. i did not want to loose that as well. All this was just too unfamiliar to me. I really was scared. I thought how can i not feel anything when something so amazing had happened. I saw a whole temple in my dream and here it is in reality and i felt nothing??! How can i not be in awe of his physical beauty.. Do i love him less. Why did i not want to just go and hug him and just merge with him there... 

And even as i write He says... Love my uncertainty... You cant beat me with your mind. You cant make me Miss you... you cant make yourself miss me ... you can only accept where we are and move from there having FULL FAITH THAT I LOVE YOU. How you express your Love is not at all important but what is important is that the love is there.The secret to a long term relationship is just knowing that you love and loving just because of loves sake alone ... expecting nothing... not even the expression of love. Easy fr u to say Swami ! :P  So many self help writers will go out of business because of you :D 

So this has been a growing up trip.... fr me and for my Swami. I don't love you less because you did not welcome me with the usual gestures... and i don't love you more because of this realization. Let my love for you Swami be always full to the brim. Let our love just be continuous. Surprise e everyday...keep me on my toes... and just always remind me that you might be silent but you are always with me. Come home and reside in your favorite temple my lord.. my hridayavaasi.