Losing the battle is ok, But You MUST win the War!

It was that time of the year again. Navaratri was always a busy time for most of us. With on-going prayers on most days, performances, different centres and temples to visit, the festivities was indeed in the air. Not to mention it was the prelude to 2 months of celebrations, Divali around the corner, Akhanda Bhajans, Swamis Birthday and ending with Christmas and new year J.

So 9 days passed each day punctuated with one experience or another. I would normally attend the grand bhajans on the last day of Vijayadashami in SS3 however this year I decided to do something different. One of the members of Bangsar centre was this wonderful Nepali youth Sanjeev wanted to conduct a ceremony called Dashain that was traditionally done in Nepal on Dusshera day. He had wanted to do this in the centre to share the blessings of Swami with his fellow Nepali brothers who might not have had the opportunity to celebrate it otherwise. Malaysia has a large population of Nepalis who mainly work in the security industry. I felt as a mark of gratitude and respect for our brothers who like Durga Ma herself provide security and protection for us, it was only right for me to join him at Bangsar, not knowing that a simple incident that I was about to witness was going to be Swamis answer for a prayer I’ve had all week.

I had arrived early in the centre that day to set up, it felt like it was going to be a very personal session and since many of the regular devotees were not coming, I decided I would do as much as I can to welcome Swami to our centre on this day. After a while people started to trickle in, the vicinity of the centre was crowded as “Nageshwari Amman” our neighbour, a very famous temple of the mother was full swing with festivities. This year the temple re-enacted the entire episode of the killing of Mahishasura as a procession. As they were taking her around the block I decided to go out and look as she passed our centre. I noticed that as she went along the procession stopped at various points and a small battle ensued between Amma and Mahishasura. At each stop She would use a different weapon to try and defeat him. She used a trident, a bow and arrow … a spear, but Mahishasura did not yield easily. There were shouts of OM SHAKTHI, PARASHAKTHI … in the air as people carried her and the chase continued. Finally as they reached the temple gates, She attacked with a trident and that was the end of Mahishasura, His head was off and She emerged the winner.

I watched this procession like a child amused with the weapons and the wonderful energy and zest that the devotees put into re-enacting this divine story. I must say that a huge amount of creativity and preparation must have gone into this. It then hit me Swamis message for this Navaratri to me.

I must relate to you the background of this story so that you will understand better. You see a couple of days before this I had a small argument with my mum and dad about the one thing a 30 something year old girl and her parents would typically have. In our argument not for the first time but for many many times I stood my ground and told them “ WHY CANT YOU JUST TRUST SWAMI!” If you believe he is GOD then He knows best!” . I thought my faith was unshakable, that I had deep rooted faith in Swami and everything that happens was his prasadham. I will take it with Love and Joy and I just did not understand why my parents did not feel the same.

Of course our dearest Swami having heard my great proclamation of Faith decided to test me with the tiniest test. Two days after our argument one of my closest friends had told me such wonderful news about what had recently happen to her. When I heard it I was also Happy but as I felt that joy there was also a small voice in me that said … “Why does good things happen to everyone but me? As soon as I heard that voice I started to cry. Not because I was upset or jealous with her good news. That passed in a jiffy. I was devastated because I was so quick to realise that I had failed the tiny test of faith that the Lord had sent. It was not a huge boulder but such a tiny stone and yet I stumbled. I went up to Swamis picture and just begged for forgiveness. How will I have faith like Meera and Radha when such a tiny incident could trip me?

I was so so upset that I had failed. I told Swami I know that even to have faith in you I need your grace please please help me, please don’t leave me. Where are you when I need you so badly?

After sometime I was consoled by a close friend and He said that faith takes time to develop, I was not convinced, So I did what I knew would help. I went to the Gym and as I ran on the treadmill I listened to Fleeting Moments Lasting Memories. In that interview, the Sister that was interviewed said a very poignant line… She said in Swamis words ,” When you think that I am not there with you, remember that I always am… Sometimes I choose not to show myself because if I do it will only make you weak, but remember that I am watching you… and I am not even blinking”

It was so hard for me to control my tears in a crowded gym, thank God for the sweat as it helped disguise the tears. That was such a quick and comforting reassurance. Now back to the Dusshera story. I guess Swami needed to seal in the lesson. As I watched the small battles happen between Amma and Mr.Mahishasura, I realised that this was exactly what I was going through, that faith was really not a one day affair, I had to build it block by block, and just like when you knock a nail to the wall and test it (an anecdote Swami has always used) we do not chuck the picture away if the nail comes off. We either take the nail and hammer it in deeper, or we change the location of where we want to hang the frame or we change the nail itself, but we persevere until the frame is up. And one day just like how Mahishasura mardhini Happened we would also become steady nails rooted deep in his love and many pictures and frames or shoes or keys will benefit from resting their weight on our faith. Until then I’ll keep receiving his knocks…